Memory

Memory. It's simple enough of a concept. It essential to the human life and usually embraced in our society. People love memories, really they just eat that shit up. Pictures are taken to remember, journals are kept, scrapbooks are made. And as mentioned above, memory is essential to human life. We need to remember to survive. We need to know that we know things. Memory is vital to the survival of our kind. When memory fades or is lost, it is "tragic" and millions of medical dollars are spend yearly to identify the cause of memory decay and the search for a cure. I value my memory in most cases, i value the memory of meeting David Charles and of all the times spent with my family. But I would pay any amount of money to know what causes memory decay so that I could do what few others want, FORGET. Since 1999... I have spent every second of every daytrying to forget the past I was forced to have lived through. Every single morning I wake to the same thought, wake with the same fear. Every time I close my eyes I see the same face. I would give anything to forget that horrid face. I am so sick of trying to convince myself that I will be fine, I am so sick of not being able to think. I spend so much time fighting my own thoughts, it's astonishing to me that I have assemble this "normal" life. Your thought, your memory is not escapable. It is the one thing in your life you can't change or run away from. It is always there, always on call,  to recall anything in that vast memory the correlates to appears to correlate to every single thing you encounter. So as vital as memory is, and beautiful as it can be, for people like me it is the cause of more pain than the English language is equipped to portray.